Louise Macdonald / Change: Post & Pre

So…has it worked then?

It’s the question everyone has been asking, at the launch of the project report in June last year (’09), and every time I’ve spoken about the project to anyone since then. I’m sure, if you’ve reached this far into the site, you’re wondering too…

The simple, “surface” answer is yes. Yes, I tell people, it’s made me more aware. Yes, it’s made me think more about the whole range of interconnected themes around nature and our relationship with it as human beings. Yes, it’s made me act different – from changing my shopping habits, to introducing new sustainable procurement policies at work to feeding the birds.

But whilst it’s a true answer, it is an answer of convenience. The more complex answer is also yes, it has worked, but…

…in ways it is so hard to articulate, because the impact has affected me inside and out, at every level.

… in ways that have made my life much harder, not easier – deep questioning of your values in relation to the world will do that to a girl you know.

…in ways that have led to huge frustration – particularly around the issues of engaging the public in tackling environmental issues.  There is an element of what I would be tempted to term delusion around how a lot of the key “green” groups are tackling this.

…in ways that have led me to uncomfortable truths around choices I have made in the past, but equally having given me the tools to be kind to myself, to understand and forgive, and appreciate what it really is to be human

Try telling that to someone when you’re standing at a conference or reception, balancing papers and a coffee cup, as people scan your name-badge to see if you’re worth talking to…say some of that stuff, and the chances are, they’ll regret it…

A key issue throughout NC has been the journey between being a participant in the project, and then where it would take us as activists – the next steps we, the “chosen leaders in our sector”, would take to cascade what we had learned, the action we would take to put our “personal change” into practical action authentically. It’s been a heavier responsibility than any of us anticipated at the start – well, for me anyway. That word “authentic” is a killer by the way…makes you stop and think…

That step has been an interesting one – there’s been a sense of wanting to “hold the circle” of what we have been through and experienced together, but then the responsibility to step out into the wider world has been so strong, so necessary – the world needs more from us.

Thinking about this, and inspired and motivated by my NC experience, I decided to do my own “solo” at the end of the year, spending a week alone in an incredibly remote part of Scotland. It was an intense experience in so many ways, a whole other blog, but the important thing is that at the end of it I emerged with two clear insights:

First – NC gave me back my heart. And for that I will always, always be profoundly thankful.

Second – I’m ready. Ready to act. Ready to step out into the world.

And so more change is afoot – deeper change. The stone has been cast into the water, and the powerful ripples are spreading. It’s just that sometimes, those ripples take longer to reach out than you – or others – expect.