Louise Macdonald / Anticipation

Change happens...

Anticipation. That’s probably the best way to describe how I’m feeling as we reach the “end” of the Natural Change project – and it’s fair to say that’s not how I predicted I would feel at this point in the process.

Our last official workshop took place in Edinburgh – coming full circle from our starting point six months ago. There is a sense of “bringing it all back home” – a recognition that you don’t have to be physically far away to experience the wilderness…erm, experience! I’ve written before about how to bring all that these incredible outdoor adventures have given me into my day to day life, so the finishing point for this part of the exercise seemed apt.

And the good news is, it really isn’t an ending. Instead it would appear that all of our experiences in Knoydart, Glen Tilt and Cambusbarron were simply preparation for the next step. The project has acted as a catalyst for all kinds of ideas and actions, both personal, professional and as a group. I think the phrase might be “watch this space”, as our biggest challenges may be yet to come!

But of course the key question is: did I change? Or, as I’d prefer, am I changing? The answer is most definitely yes. The harder question is how much of that is down to being a participant on this project? For those who live in the world of evaluation and impact measures, that is the crux of it, but I don’t think any of us have a black and white answer. Change happens – the world changes and you change with it, the product of a whole host of complex and interwoven influences and drivers. But I’d be prepared to say that a lot of the change that has happened – in particular in relation to me really exploring my values and how I relate to the world – has its roots in NC.

I’m more aware – it’s like the volume has been turned down on some things and turned up on others. Trees will never just be trees again; I notice the day every day and hear the birds singing. I’m tuned into the beauty and interconnectedness of wildness – even in the middle of the city. Personally I’m less afraid – of life, and of looking stupid in a fleece! I feel like I’ve reconnected with my intuitive and creative self – an astonishing gift that I am so grateful for. And I’m asking more questions in relation to social change – bigger questions, harder questions. Not thinking that it’s all too hard so just focus on something else, the something I can control. I’m having conversations I’ve always wanted to have in all kinds of unexpected places.

But I feel selfish, because these are all so personal. In relation to my behaviour and sustainability – am I living a greener life? Not so much, not yet. However, the change is that now I really WANT to – I just have to pluck up the courage to let go of some of the things I will have to in order to be authentic, and I’m not sure I’m ready right now. But, the seed is sown…

I’ll admit at this point there has been much that has happened on this journey that I haven’t been able to share on this blog – far too personal – but I am so thankful to have been given this opportunity. In learning that the wilderness can be such a powerful source of intense natural healing, I have a new and profound respect for the earth and our complex relationship with it. I now know that this is a new beginning and, at heart, I am a truly wild soul.