Emma Little / Lost for words?

Have you ever been lost for words?  I find it’s usually because I’ve had a shock or surprise or some sort of dramatic experience.

Not this time.

Having just finished my second ‘solo’ experience I’m finding it difficult to find the words to describe it - because it wasn’t extreme.

I know folk are going to ask me when I get back ‘So how was it?’ or ‘Was it amazing?’  And I don’t want to disappoint them, but I don’t feel I can give them the answers they want.

It wasn’t amazing

or terrible

or relaxing

or insightful

or shocking

or profound, or hilarious or terrifying or frustrating.

And I found myself getting anxious about how I was going to write about an experience that wasn’t any of these things, but somewhere in the middle of two extremes.  Somewhere that didn’t have the words to express the more g e n t l e things we experience in life. 

I don’t have the words because they don’t exist in my day to day vocabulary. 

The words I have for in between extremes are:

• Fine
• OK
• Alright, or worst of all…………
• BO-RING (my personal biggest fear)

Because we live in extremes and we’re educated to think in and react to extremes.  And boring is the worst of all, because everything should be exciting.

When we were asked to blog on Saturday night I couldn’t do it, because I was searching for an angle or hook, something interesting enough to write about.  So I didn’t write.  I went to bed, feeling empty and inadequate.

Having had a deep sleep I opened the curtains in the morning to discover a blanket of whiteness covering everything in sight.  While I had been worrying about trying to create extremes, nature had done it without even trying.

My solo experience in Glen Tilt was very different from Knoydart because I had lowered my expectations about what I needed.  I was just grateful for the shelter I was looking for in that harsh environment, but it had offered me much more in return.