Emma Little / Changed expectations

As I set out for my last ’solo’ on the last structured weekend of Natural Change, I notice how much my expectations have changed - not just of the project, but of myself.

It’s still dark and I decide I’m going to be easier on myself.  If I get cold, I’ll move on.  I’m not going to restrict myself to staying in one place - why do I need to?

I meet some sheep.  There’s loads of them and they look quite menacing in the dark.  I wonder if they decide they could take me on… but then one of them starts running and the whole herd thunder across the field in the opposite direction.

As I follow my gut instinct I find on a path crossing a reservoir.  I’m walking very slowly, letting my legs just carry me.  The reservoir is half covered in ice - looks so tempting - but I resist and drift towards the trees between the two hills.  I am drawn towards a fiery red glow from behind the trees as I move I scare a couple of deer and stop to watch their white tails bobbing up the hill.  It feels really magical.  Maybe it’s because I’m experiencing it on my own, or maybe it’s the feeling that comes with dawn - feeling like you’re seeing everything for the first time.

I climb high enough to catch a glimpse of Stirling and the hills and red sky beyond.  I decide to spend some time on top of the hill, watching the snow covered hills over towards the Trossachs turn pale pink and then bright red.  I feel so lucky to be able to see this.  From my spot I have a panoramic view, so I spend some time taking it all in before I’m too cold even in my plastic survival bag to hang around for long.

As I head down the hill again, paths just seem to appear before me and I stop from time to time to notice things around me. 

After a tea break, I head over to the hills that are bathed in sun for the rest of my solo and watch the wispy clouds and have a quick snooze.

It strikes me how different this experience is from my first solo.  I’m peaceful rather than angry, I’m easy on myself rather than disciplined and I’m happy appreciating the detail rather than looking for my perfect place.  I feel energised and refreshed.

But what next?  There’s lots of levels - personal; (I am starting to volunteer again and hope to bring what I’ve learned here with me) professional (I’m deciding what I can bring into my job at Health Scotland) and external (is there an opportunity to use this approach to change with the wider health improvement workforce?)

There’s so many opportunities and links appearing, maybe all I need to do is trust my instinct and follow the path that appears in front of me.  One thing I know is that this definitely isn’t the end.