Rosa Murray
Professional Officer (CPD/Chartered Teacher), The General Teaching Council for Scotland

city solo

The first time I went out to do the city solo I came back home having forgotten to do it which tells you something about my brain and my concentration skills  after a very busy Christmas and New Year. I was not looking forward to this solo as it was in the city, a sharp contrast to my solo experience in Knoydart however I thought I should give it a go and see what unfolded. I chose to sit in a busy shopping centre in Edinburgh it’s one that I would rarely as I don’t really like the place. I found a free seat  in the concourse and sat  for a while, I have to say I found it a strange thing to do…. I watched countless people move through the centre some happy and some grey faced and aimless in their direction. Many looked like life had taken the stuffing out of them, they seemed burdened and sad. However there were also signs of happiness in ‘young love’ and in families enjoying each others company. I expected to find the movement in the centre faster and more agitated as people rushed around but that wasn’t the case. However what I did notice, beyond the people, was the amount of ‘stuff’ in the shops most of it half price or less, loud in colour and heavy in  packaging, I wondered what we needed it all for or did we at all… Many people coming out with the same packages seduced by the reduced price and I thought about how long our society could continue to manage all the waste that comes from this type of unnecessary packaging. What do we do with all this ‘stuff’ I also was aware of the amount of security personnel and systems deployed in the centre. Security guards regularly walking round and security cameras used throughout the centre, I suppose that is just a feature of our society I left the centre neither inspired or downhearted, it was an interesting exercise to undertake but nothing like a solo in the outdoors. now I was heading home to prepare for Glen Prosen.

nature starvation

Arriving in Glen Prosen I was looking forward to being in the outdoors  for a sustained period of time and to the liberation of having no email or mobile phone contact,in Knoydart I found that quite challenging and unsettling but not this time. Since Knoydart I have experienced an internal shift which has been quite transformational in many ways perhaps not obvious to others but certainly to me. I think I have a far better understanding of the connectedness of self and the earth and of the  sacred relationship between the two.I know,in a new way,that living and being in the outdoors can transform and heal the self  and understand why so often, when living in the city, I have sought the hills or the coast to find an oasis for peace  and reflection. Patrick Geddes,a Scottish writer,town planner and environmentalist 1854-1932, despaired of the ‘nature starvation’ within the industrial planning of our cities and I think I know what he means, perhaps more intuitively than before I engaged with Natural Change.

observations and feelings from a new territory

I didn’t sleep well thinking about the challenge of a solo experience in the outdoors,the ‘what ifs’ kept disturbing me…. what if I got bored? what if i got lost? what if I couldn’t do it? then I remembered my brother Tony’s words ‘there is  no such thing as what if only what is’ and I become more peaceful. This day is mine,I wakened at 5am and headed off to the tipi at 6am,we sat in silence around the fire then gradually left in silence to begin our solo journey.It was dark leaving the beach and I was glad of the torch lent to me by Alister. When the darkness of the morning gave way to the light I had a new understanding of  the words  of the creation story ‘Let there be light’ and also how grateful I was that it was within the design of the universe.

this place feels so safe,I am peaceful walking alone  and I stop at the first of my solo spots.I hear the birdsong  and wish I could identify the birds and understand their language (a note to self to do some CPD in this area).I notice and feel nature in new ways and realise that previously I have  been to busy to notice. The scenery here is so vast and beautiful that I cannot but help thinking about all those who have gone before me known and unknown.

Silence is so powerful and I think about all the unnecessary chat and noise that exists in my life and that of the society I inhabit and I remember the words of Thomas Merton in his book  No man is an island

”Those who love their own noise are impatient of everything else’

now given that I like to talk  and I live in a very noisy house with lots of people and conversation  I have to admit to being challenged by Merton’s words.

the day continues and I move to another spot near the shore,though I like being  on my own I was worried about  such a long period of solitude with no punctuated rewards or tasks but I am increasingly at peace with the whole experience. its ok.

I have become aware of the power of self and that  we must recover the sense and ownership of our own being before we can act wisely or really understand the creation that surrounds us . Is it not the case that everyone has solutions for us? There are so many ‘fixers’ waiting to give the answers to  our problems or issues and how often do we go along with their answers against our own better judgement simply to please others and avoid the potential for rejection.  Sitting here in this amazing scenery I know that we must find our real selves  not in what we do or how we impact on others but in our own souls which is the place of our principle and feeling.It is easier to practice  this here but much more difficult when back in the hustle and bustle of everyday life,Isuppose it is important to make that space  even in the middle of a city, to find that solo space and just ‘be’.

Sitting at the water,feel I want to move again and keep walking but decide to stay still and write and be nourished and nurtured by the beauty surrounding me, John O Donohue wrote , among others,a,wonderful book named  ’Eternal Beauty has its own design’ and within this he says that the human soul is hungry for beauty and that we seek it everywhere be this in landscapes,love,faith , clothes,design or in others. I think it’s good to focus on this even in the hardest of times and sufferings.

I am heading back now to the tipi  and as I await dusk falling I am quite pleased with myself that I did manage this solo,it’s the first time I have been on my own in nature for such an extended period  and though I had some anxieties about it all actually I was fine and feel at peace. I have never before had a day guided by the light  and not by a watch or a diary. And it all feels ok.

into the unknown

The Beginning

Before I left for Knoydart everything inside me was telling me this was going to be different though I wasn’t sure why? As a religious studies teacher and as a person who has always  pursued  the spiritual dimension to find meaning about self  and  the world  I was  comfortable with the process embedded within the natural change project and yet still strangely disturbed about what was to unfold over the week.  We were blessed with wonderful weather as we travelled to Knoydart and so the journey into nature and beauty  began.

Perhaps what completely surprised me was the feeling of being cut off from the world,the physical reality of sailing over to the peninsula and knowing that I couldn’t easily arrange a return and that there was  no phone signal so the availability I have with and give to my family and friends was seriously interrupted. I found this gave me attachment issues and then some serious reflection about my dependency on others and on  technology. Interesting that I was happy to be free of emails and work but it was the ‘people thing’ that got me! 

The awesome scenery and grandeur of Knoydart is overwhelming yet brings a peace and stillness,I realise this time is mine and I want to be open to the opportunities this week and this place will bring. I feel quite small in this vast creation and I think there has to be a God a divine creator whatever that means?…. I have no certainty but then if I did I wouldn’t need faith.my sense of nature is heightened and I realise I have never stopped long enough in nature to receive the sacredness within it ,I was too  busy completing the walk or the task.

I remember the beautiful words of the Kogi people who live  in the High Sierra Nevada de Santa Marta mountains of Northern Columbia in South America

‘First there was the sea

all was dark

there was no sun,nor moon

nor people

nor animals

nor plants

The mother was not people ,nor was she nothing

nor something

she was the spirit of what was to come

and she was thought and memory. 

I reflected on the meaning of thought and memory for myself and within our world  as I prepared for the solo.

Looking forward to Knoydart

well this is my first attempt at blogging so here goes. As  I am off to Bruges today and not back till the weekend I have been getting prepared for the trip early.  Hope I have it all sorted now apart from choosing the journal I want to have with me for reflections etc….

Think it will be a journey of challenge,fun and transformation and looking forward to sharing this with you all.

Rosa

looking forward

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