Margaret Kerr
Psychotherapist

Trusting yourself

Over a hundred years ago, Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote about trusting yourself in his essay ‘Self-reliance’

“A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within…….Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his…. Trust thyself…….Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind…. I am ashamed to think how easily we capitulate to badges and names, to large societies and dead institutions…. My life is for myself and not for a spectacle…. Insist on yourself; never imitate…. Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.”

And from a different angle, here’s a link to a 2002 Reith Lecture. It’s about how the culture of accountability can undermine self trust and public trust in the workplace - especially in large institutions and caring professions.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/reith2002/lecture3.shtml

Intuition

I’ve been thinking about how intuition can help in seeing what to do next. Sometimes it’s the briefest glimpse of something that gives a hint.

Intuition’s subtle. It’s delicate and strong. It doesn’t shout loudly ‘DO THIS!’. But sometimes it says very clearly ‘Don’t Do That’.

I’ve got to slow down and listen carefully for it.

Sometimes it’s not clear where intuition’s leading. The neuropsychologist Antonio Damasio said ‘Intuition is the process of getting to a destination without knowing the route’.

The primal wound

How is trauma linked to our relationships with ourselves, with others, and with the natural world? How can we help to heal these connections?

John Firman and Ann Gila, in their book The Primal Wound, describe some of the effects of trauma:

‘For many of us, modern life is a headlong rush to avoid dark feelings that threaten to disrupt our lives…. In order to block the surging tide of this hidden level of experience, we become enthralled with violence, sex, and mass media…..addicted to alcohol, drugs and power……. we compulsively strive for romance, success and control. All of this….can be traced to the primal wound ….. the isolation, abandonment and alienation haunting human life.

The primal wound is the result of a violation we all suffer in various ways, beginning in childhood and continuing throughout life. When we are not treated as individual, unique human beings, but as objects, our intrinsic, authentic sense of self is annihilated.

This primal wounding breaks the fundamental relationships that form the fabric of human existence: the relationship to oneself, to other people, to the natural world, and to a sense of [spiritual] meaning.’ (John Firman and Ann Gila. The Primal Wound)

The primal wound isn’t the whole of us, but it’s an important part that needs attention. This work can’t be done all at once - some wounds may have been there for a long time, and may be quite deep. They’re different for each of us. 

Firman and Gila say that healing comes from empathic relationship to ourselves, to other people, to the natural world, and to our sources of meaning.

Empathic relationship ‘rekindles the dormant ember of ‘I’, and ‘I’ begins to glow in the dark.’

I don’t think we need to be completely healed to help anyone else. But tending to our own wounds, and becoming more true to ourselves can help us light the way - and to see more clearly what needs to be done in our own compassionate actions.

Spaces in between

I’ve started noticing how often there are adverts in the in-between places - magazine ads in train stations, airports, doctors’ waiting rooms; commercial breaks in a TV programme; billboards next to roads.

These are places where we’re in transition – where the flow of experience is interrupted or suspended, places where our sense of self can be a bit shaky - where we need to grab on to something and say ‘this is me!’ These spaces can feel empty and lonely.

But if we stop and stay quiet in these spaces, there’s a chance to open out into what’s going on right now, and to catch a glimpse of ourselves at a deeper level. That’s a place where there’s a great potential for healing. And we have to be tender with ourselves - and each other - in that place.

The eternal rhythm

Kazantzakis writes:

‘I remember one morning when I discovered a cocoon in the back of a tree just as a butterfly was making a hole in its case and preparing to come out. I waited awhile, but it was too long appearing and I was impatient. I bent over it and breathed on it to warm it. I warmed it as quickly as I could and the miracle began to happen before my eyes, faster than life. The case opened; the butterfly started slowly crawling out, and I shall never forget my horror when I saw how its wings were folded back and crumpled; the wretched butterfly tried with its whole trembling body to unfold them. Bending over it, I tried to help it with my breath, in vain.

It needed to be hatched out patiently and the unfolding of the wings should be a gradual process in the sun. Now it was too late. My breath had forced the butterfly to appear all crumpled, before its time. It struggled desperately and, a few seconds later, died in the palm of my hand.

That little body is, I do believe, the greatest weight I have on my conscience. For I realize today that it is a mortal sin to violate the great laws of nature. We should not hurry, we should not be impatient, but we should confidently obey the eternal rhythm’

What is happening with us in this project is a powerful process 

a gestation.

It can’t be rushed. 

It needs nourishment, protection

love

And with these conditions 

it will grow

and unfold

in its own time.

Mushrooms

I found out today that mushrooms send tiny filaments into the roots of trees. These filaments help the trees get nutrients out of the soil. In return, the trees give the musrooms sugars that they have made in photosynthesis.

I also found out that trees can’t survive without this……

I’ve always quite liked mushrooms - thought they were interesting - had lots of uses.

But I suddenly feel really grateful that they exist.

And I want to protect them.

The bird path

From Ken White’s book ‘The Bird Path’

What view?

After everyone left, I stayed on in Knoydart for a few days. My partner, Joe came over to meet me. We climbed up Meall Buidhe in the rain and mist and - eventually, snow. About half way up, the climb was getting steeper, the mist was right down, there was about 10 feet of view, and we were relying on the compass to keep us right. We started to talk about ‘what’s the point going on when there’s no view?’

Then I looked down at the ground - and there was an amazing forest of ferns and lichens and grasses.  I pointed it out to Joe. Something changed. The whole mountain felt alive. Our hope was back, and we carried on up the mountain. 

At the Zen Group back in Glasgow yesterday, John, our teacher, spoke about unconditional presence

‘the complete combustion of each moment - illuminates the whole world.’  

I don’t know what effect I can have on the big picture, but if I can keep on really seeing where I am, moment by moment, the view opens up.

Reflection on the process so far

My dream on the first night feels like a pattern for the process that’s started to evolve.

The day before everyone arrived, we spent time preparing, starting to build the container to hold the process.

Everyone  arrived. Suddenly, there was lots of energy – at full strength, all firing about in different directions.

As  the weekend developed, the energy that was firing about gradually started to come together and to move in a powerful circle, generating understanding and compassion.